Noah’s Ark – A Horrific Fairy Tale!

We’ve all heard the horrific genocide story about Noah’s ark so I’ll skip the fairy tale and go on to facts. And yes – when you destroy an entire race of people – that’s called genocide. Everything written below has been verified. Feel free to check my facts.

Noah was instructed by God to build a huge ark because God was going to drown EVERY man, woman, child, and baby in the world. He was doing this because we were all wicked and beyond hope.  God said he would spare Noah and his family since Noah was very righteous.

According to the bible, the ark was to be, “… three hundred cubits (long), the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.” This is how big the ark is to be according to God’s specific instructions. A cubit is 18 inches and a “long cubit” is 21 inches. Let’s use the long cubit so we have enough room for everyone. That would make the ark 525 feet long by 87.5 feet wide by 52.5 feet high. This is the MAXIMUM size the ark would have been but it could have been much smaller.

God instructed Noah to take 2 of every living thing, male and female, including all “fowl” and all “creeping thing(s)”. That means Noah had to take 2 of every animal, every bird, and every insect that lived on the earth. The bible is very explicit that 2 of everything must be on the ark because the entire world will be covered with water and nothing will survive.

There are 8.7 MILLION species of animals. Bringing 2 of every one of them would be about 17.4 million total animals. There are almost 10 THOUSAND species of birds and twice that (male AND female) is 20,000. And there are about ONE MILLION species of insects catalogued so far. That’s 2 million total.

The Animals Board Noah’s Ark

Jan Brueghel the Elder 1568 – 1625


The Flood

(fresco — circa1508 -1512)
Michelangelo Buonarroti 1475 – 1564
Museum Sistine Chapel, Vatican City

How did they all fit in the ark? One fiftieth (1/50) that amount would not have fit! Perhaps 20,000 birds alone might have fit, if they were crammed in tightly, but that’s all. There is absolutely no way more than a few thousand animals, let alone over 17 million, could fit in that ark.

And what about those millions of animals that are indigenous to all the other continents? Polar bears, kangaroo’s, penguins, turkeys, raccoons, etc. were unknown to Noah and lived thousands of miles away. How did they get to the Middle East and how did they get back home afterwards?

And what happened to the ark? There have been expeditions searching for it but to no avail. Yes, there have been claims of finding the Ark on, or around, Mt. Ararat but they have all been proven false to date. Even the current claim is suspected of being yet another “found it” scam. Yes – even fake “evidence” has been planted and claimed to be from the Ark. Believers will stoop to any level in their attempts to prove bible veracity.

And it’s bad enough that this story is obviously false but the lesson it teaches is monstrous. God decided that we were no longer worthy to survive so he slowly drowned every man, woman, child, and baby in the world. It took 40 days of rain for everyone to drown. Drowning is a slow and agonizing death. Not something you would expect from a “kind and loving God”.

And there you have it. Do you think I was too hard on Noah? Did you know that Noah is responsible for the slave genre? His own son, Ham, saw his father, Noah, naked while he was passed out drunk once again. That was a heinous crime for some unknown reason. Noah finally woke from his drunken stupor but he did not punish Ham. Instead… he punished Canaan, who was Ham’s son. He declared that Canaan, along with his seed, will be a “servant of servants” of man i.e. slaves forever.

Noah severely punished his own grandson who did absolutely NOTHING wrong! He punished Canaan because Ham saw Noah naked. And instead of pleading with God to at least save all the babies and children from slowly drowning, Noah only watched out for himself and his family. Noah did not even try to intercede for the children. Not a very nice man at all this Noah.

Almost forgot! We did get a symbolic rainbow out of the whole deal. But seriously – is a rainbow worth a multitude of drowned babies and children? Bad fairy tale!